I Can Do Bad All By Myself

One day I woke up and decided that I didn't want to be married any more. The reason; I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was tired of living in poverty when our income declared us as middle class. I was sick of someone telling me that they couldn't spend time with their family or attend the monumental milestones in the lives of their children because they had to work 24/7. I was tired of sleeping alone at night; me in the bed and him on the couch. And I was sick of the manipulation and emotional abuse that I was being subjected too on a consistent bases. So with plastic containers filled with clothes, shoes and toys and a cashier's check from my ex husband for $5,000 that paid my rent for six months, my kids and I moved across town to a modest townhouse and never looked back.

Well, it's been two years since I walked out of that door on Fairchild Street and to be honest with you, I haven't had any second thoughts and not an ounce of regret. Have I struggled financially? Well yeah, that's what happens when your ex refuses to pay child support. When we first moved we slept in sleeping bags and ate out of paper plates for at least a month. But in my eyes that was a small price to pay for a piece of heaven. Have I sought out public assistance; you'd better believe it. Food stamps and Medicaid have kept me and my children afloat during the lean months. At first I was shameful, being that I'm a social worker and I was supposed to be helping others instead of trying to help myself. But in the end I dropped my pride and did what I had to do to survive. Have I dodged a few bill collectors in order to buy my kids the necessary necessities that they needed in order to fuction? I sure have. Especially that one time when the sole to my oldest son's shoe came off and after asking his father to buy him a new pair (his texted response was; what part of no don't you understand? The N or the O) this sista did what she had to do. And would I do it all over again, leave and struggle like I have? Hell yes!

This experience has taught me several things about myself and life in particular. The first one is that happiness is a choice. I decided that I wanted to be happy for the remainder of my life and for me that meant moving on without my husband. Secondly, life deals you a hand of cards, but it's up to you as to how you choose to play that hand. My ex-husband still tries to manipulate me with words, but I decided that it was time for the emotional abuse to stop and for me to regain control of my life. Thirdly, emotional abuse is still abuse. The only difference is that the bruises are on the inside. And finally, you can do bad all by yourself, but never allow someone else to steal your joy or bring you down. When life drop kicks you simple get up, dust yourself off and keep moving!