Dating Challenge Update

Lawd....why is this so difficult! All I asked my friends to do was hook me up with an eligible bachelor. You would think I asked them for an invite to the White House. After sending out an email to my closes friends encouraging them to set me up on a blind date with the man of their choice I was met with so many brick walls it was unbelievable. Their excuses ranged from... "You're nuts and I'm not doing that!" to "If I could find a good man I'd keep him for myself" or "If he hurts you I don't want you to be mad at me." But the shocker and most repeated excuse was "CJ, I'm sorry but I just don't know of any good men." I mean is it really that bad? Do we really have a shortage of good men (and notice I didn't say Black men because my white girlfriend got the same email as everyone else). Sadly my faith in finding a good man had fizzled like a soda that's been sitting out all day. The taste in my mouth...frighteningly bitter.

But fortunately for me I did have one girlfriend who stepped up to the challenge and found a guy who met all of my requirements; employed, good dresser, and no drama. So far we've talked on the phone several times and after each occasion I must admit that I'm finding myself more attracted to him. Have we seen each other? No, just photographs, but initially, I didn't even have that, just his number and the chance to meet a really nice guy. He admires what I'm doing and has taken this as a friendly competition, stating that he hopes I've had a chance to go on a blind date with two other guys so by the time he takes me out I'll realize that the 3rd guy is the charm (Awwwww).

Do The Right Thing

This year my oldest son asked if I would take him to the store to purchase his dad a card for Father's Day. I had to stop and take a deep breath before I rolled my eyes and said "Hell No!" You see, when my ex and I were first separated my sons had made this same request of their father for Mother's Day and then again for my birthday. Each time they were greeted with "I'm not taking you to the store to buy that woman anything!" Yes, this was the explanation that my children gave me that first year of why they didn't have a gift for me. In the years to follow my children never asked me to take them shopping for their dad. I guess they thought my response would be the same. Instead, his gifts were either created at school or they didn't even bother. So this year I was especially proud of my son for wanting to purchase something and unlike his father, I decided to take the high road and drive him to the store.

When we entered Walmart, I thought it was best if I gave him his space and allowed him to select a card on his own. But when I returned to check on him, he had the most confused look on his face. Suddenly I was faced with the task of helping him to pick out a card for his dad! Now I know what you're saying, 'sista girlfriend, that's when I draw the line,' and I almost did. But I remembered that my son was only 12 and he was trying to do the right thing. So I shrugged my shoulders and together we picked out a simple Hallmark card that said it all for his dad.

The moral of the story is this...Yes, some of us single mama's do it ALL and we know that some of these dad's don't deserve a hello, let alone a card. But at times like this we have to remember that it isn't about what we think, it's about our kids and setting a good example. Biting that bullet was painless and it only cost me $5.00 (No, he didn't have enough money for the card). My reward is that I set a priceless example for my children.

Hook A Sista Up!

Okay, call me crazy, but I'm trying something new when it comes to this dating stuff. After this last dating fiasco I've decided to be adventurous and give the Essence Magazine Summer Dating Challenge a try. What I've done is enlisted the help of my close friends (I hope we're still close after this is over with.) I sent them an email outlining that I wanted each of them to arrange a blind date for me with an eligible bachelor of their choice (sigh, crazy I know). The only requirements that I gave were as follows; He had to be legally employed (I'm old fashion and he at least needs to be able to pay for the date), a nice dresser (No Coogie or Rocawear please) and no baby mama, ex-girlfriend or ex-wife drama (I don't do drama.)

In a series of blogs this summer I am planning to chronicle my blind date experiences and allow you guys to experience dating from a single mama's point of view. In case you haven't figured it out by now this is a big step for me. For once in my life I've finally found the courage to step outside of my comfort zone and believe me this is waaaaaay out there, lol. I'm letting go of my fears and allowing people that I trust to hook a sista up! I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring, but believe me, it can't possible be as bad as what I've been through already.

Un-Thinkable

Last week I turned 41 and I must admit it was a bittersweet birthday for me. Thinking back on how my life has unfolded I realized just how far I've come since being a naive but determined freshman at Southern University 23 years ago. In my wildest dreams I never would have imagined myself as a single parent juggling a successful career and motherhood while searching for true love. Back when life was simple my hopes and dreams consisted of conquering the legal field as an entertainment attorney, marrying my soul-mate and living happily ever after with 2.5 kids and a dog named Max in a house surrounded by a white picket fence.

Well life doesn't always turn out the way we envision it. Today I am a divorced mother of two, the CEO of my own production company, a sought after speaker and bestselling author who is the owner of a dog name Samuel L. Jackson instead of Max. I never made it to law school, instead I took a detour when I enrolled at Tulane University and ended up on the front lawn of the School of Social Work instead. I still had my turn in the entertainment industry, just in a different capacity than I had originally planned.

As for my soul-mate, well I haven't given up on Mr. Right but if he never comes along at least I know that I've got happily ever after. Because despite how the course of my life has changed over the years one thing is certain; it all worked out perfectly in the end. So here's to another 41 years of doing the un-thinkable.