Got Faith?

Okay, I don't know about everyone else, but this whole recession thing really sucks. I lost my job back in June (believe me I'm not complaining too much - boss was a work of art if you know what I mean), but finding another job has been like going to the dentist; very slow and painfully. And let's not talk about unemployment. That has turned into a freaking joke. I applied 7 weeks ago and my paperwork is still PENDING. Now I could get discouraged and just give in to this whole 'recession' notion, and believe me, before yesterday I was almost there; on the brink of I don't give a good -you-know-what. But something happened.


Yesterday morning, like most Sunday mornings, I attended church services, but yesterday was different. I was feeling lost, hopeless, and discouraged and ready to go home and just cry my eyes out. But as I sat through mass I began to realize that God had me there for a specific reason. The homily was about faith. Yep...just want I needed. The priest talked about believing in God and yourself; having faith that He can make things happen. But if you don't believe and lack faith, nothing is going to change and you are going to remain in the same spot; stagnant.

Armed with that information I started off my week with a new source of inspiration called Faith. I have faith that I'm going to beat this recession and find a job or that a bunch of people are going to need counseling services within the next month and select me as their therapist :) I have faith that my status at the unemployment office is going to change from PENDING to give that girl her back pay puh-lease, lol. And I have faith and know without a shadow of a doubt, that God will never leave my side and as He closes one door another one is being opened with even better opportunities on the other side.



Faith...it does a body good.

Me, Myself and I

I want to start out by thanking everyone who has taken out the time to read my blog and for the brave soul who has chosen to follow me throughout this blogging journey. But today I am blogging to set the record straight. This is not a hating blog towards men. This is a vehicle/tool that I'm going to use to document my trials, triumphs and tribulations as a single mom. This blog is about Me, Myself and I; the Diary of a Single Mama. The first blog was simply an introduction; a little background about why I'm a single parent (kinda thought that was important guys). Since posting on yesterday I've received a ton of positive feedback from both men and women, but I have to admit that I did ruffle the feathers of a few men who decided to share their thoughts; stating that women need to be honest and have a balanced dialog with men. So here is the discussion that I had the pleasure of engaging in with a few of the fellas. Please take a look and you are more than welcomed to share your thoughts too.

1. You need to post a new picture. The one of you holding a drink looks like you're a party girl instead of a struggling single mother.

My response: Just because I'm struggling doesn't mean that I need to look the part. I am happy and that picture summed me up perfectly. Fierce, Fabulous and doing the damn thing!

2. You are angry.

My response: I use to be angry and I still get upset when someone takes their problems with me out on my kids. But I'm not angry any more, it simply takes up too much of my time and energy; two very important things that my kids need from me. No...I made a decision/choice to be happy.

3. Some baby moms throw up road blocks so dads /can't spend any time with their kids. There comes a time when a kid needs their dad.

My response: I can't speak for all baby mama's, but yes, some of them do have some issues/drama. They haven't let go of the past or resolved all of their issues and they are blaming the dad's for their situations and are using the kids to punish them. Do I want my children to have a healthy relationship with their dad, yes. But what men need to realize is that a woman can't make a grown ass man accept responsibility and be a father to his children. That's something he has to be willing to do on his own. All we can do right now is be the BEST mother's that we can be to our children and to make sure that they are healthy both physically, spiritually and most of all emotionally. Unfortunately all women haven't reached that level of maturity and their mentality is still stuck on stupid and some men are using that B.S. as a reason to run from their responsibilities. Man up and stop blaming us!

4. I bet mothers use child support money to eat out daily instead of brown bagging it, and I'm sure a bunch of hair and nail appointments aren't being cancelled. And I know the purchase of designer handbags hasn't decreased either.

My response: Instead of giving us the money just do what your suppose to do like pay tuition, buy them shoes, clothes, school supplies, pay sport fees, school fees, feed them, get their hair cut/done, take them to the movies, to birthday parties, reward them for doing well in school, feed them (hey, they eat 24/7), get them to practice, buy treats for their class parties, replace PE uniforms, take care of insurance co-pays and purchase medicine when their sick. Wow...if we're spending all of the child support money on these things I don't think we'll have enough to take them to McDonalds let alone treat ourselves to dinner at a fancy place. And get our hair and nails done or purchase that $300 Coach bag, puh-lease! And come to think of it...the courts said that some of us have to come up with 65% of the funds that are necessary for our children to survive because some of us actually make more money than the father so when you think about it...daddy's half ain't even covering everything that they need anyway:)

5. I know guys who have (wrongly) said they are doing the minimum because they are just praying for 18 years to pass by quickly.

My response: Who are they really hurting; their so called annoying baby mama or their precious kids? and BTW...mama's are praying for those 18 years to hurry the hell up too:)

Until tomorrow....

I Can Do Bad All By Myself

One day I woke up and decided that I didn't want to be married any more. The reason; I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was tired of living in poverty when our income declared us as middle class. I was sick of someone telling me that they couldn't spend time with their family or attend the monumental milestones in the lives of their children because they had to work 24/7. I was tired of sleeping alone at night; me in the bed and him on the couch. And I was sick of the manipulation and emotional abuse that I was being subjected too on a consistent bases. So with plastic containers filled with clothes, shoes and toys and a cashier's check from my ex husband for $5,000 that paid my rent for six months, my kids and I moved across town to a modest townhouse and never looked back.

Well, it's been two years since I walked out of that door on Fairchild Street and to be honest with you, I haven't had any second thoughts and not an ounce of regret. Have I struggled financially? Well yeah, that's what happens when your ex refuses to pay child support. When we first moved we slept in sleeping bags and ate out of paper plates for at least a month. But in my eyes that was a small price to pay for a piece of heaven. Have I sought out public assistance; you'd better believe it. Food stamps and Medicaid have kept me and my children afloat during the lean months. At first I was shameful, being that I'm a social worker and I was supposed to be helping others instead of trying to help myself. But in the end I dropped my pride and did what I had to do to survive. Have I dodged a few bill collectors in order to buy my kids the necessary necessities that they needed in order to fuction? I sure have. Especially that one time when the sole to my oldest son's shoe came off and after asking his father to buy him a new pair (his texted response was; what part of no don't you understand? The N or the O) this sista did what she had to do. And would I do it all over again, leave and struggle like I have? Hell yes!

This experience has taught me several things about myself and life in particular. The first one is that happiness is a choice. I decided that I wanted to be happy for the remainder of my life and for me that meant moving on without my husband. Secondly, life deals you a hand of cards, but it's up to you as to how you choose to play that hand. My ex-husband still tries to manipulate me with words, but I decided that it was time for the emotional abuse to stop and for me to regain control of my life. Thirdly, emotional abuse is still abuse. The only difference is that the bruises are on the inside. And finally, you can do bad all by yourself, but never allow someone else to steal your joy or bring you down. When life drop kicks you simple get up, dust yourself off and keep moving!