Dating 101

As a single mama, I have to admit that dating ain't what it used to be. Since separating from my ex in 2007, I've found myself fumbling in the dating department; running across everything from the gay guy who needed a piece of eye candy to throw off his family and friends, to the jobless leech who needed a place to lay up. Now you know I was like "hell-to-the-no!" But in the back of my mind I kept asking myself "what in the world is going on, where are all of the good men and why am I a magnet for losers?" Ten years is a long time to be in a marriage that isn't working, only to enter the dating scene to figure out that the pickings are slim to none when it comes to a decent man. I was tired of getting it wrong; this time I was going to get it right! I'd found out the hard way that it's a concrete jungle out there and if you're not careful, you'll be eaten alive. But I have hope, that one day I'll be like Michelle and God will send me my Barack. But I also know that faith without works is dead so I needed to figure out how I was going to receive this man when he did come into my life. So I enrolled in Dating 101. Armed with a ton of relationship books including the new ones by Comedian, Steve Harvey and Patti Stanger from BRAVO's Millionaire Matchmaker, I was determined to pass this class with an A+.

One thing I've learned since enrolling in my self imposed correspondence class, is that there are a lot of hurt people in the world; people who have been abused, burned, tormented and scorned in past relationships. And even though they believe that they are ready to move on, that excess luggage is holding them back emotionally. Stop for a moment and take a look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Would I date me right now?" Come on, would you want to date someone who is emotionally damaged? Take out a few weeks and invest in a damn good therapist. Believe me, it'll be worth it.

Secondly, men are visual creatures. If they like what they see then they'll break their necks to get with you. So what does that mean for you? Join a gym, spruce up your wardrobe, including investing in some sexy heels (men love the way our legs look while wearing them) and add some pizazz to that boring hair do. Next, get some standards. So many women have allowed men to disrespect them and that is so not cool. You are not a doormat so stop acting like one. And guess what, men want women to have standards; to hold them accountable. These days, it will set you apart from the pact of 'drop if like it's hot girls' and solidify your standings as a true woman.

Now you need to figure out what you want in a man. Take 30 minutes out of your busy schedule and make a list of the qualities that you want your perfect man to have. Trust me, this will save you a lot of heartache and time when it comes to dating. And wouldn't you prefer to have a black and white sketch of what the right guy for you will look like, how he will act and his financial status? Yes, it's okay if you want a man who makes a certain amount of money and is financially secure. Me, personally, a broke man who is still trying to find his way in the world and living with his mama can keep it moving. I'm 40...you've got to bring something to the table besides some good conversation and great sex.

Now you're ready to meet your Mr. Right. A lot of people are advocating the Internet as a great networking tool that allows you to meet new and exciting people. Some have went so far and said that you're not serious about dating if you don't include online dating sites as a resource. Remember the gay guy I mentioned earlier? Okay...that was my experience with online dating! The Internet allows people to be deceitful, dishonest and manipulative. After that experience, I must admit that I've tried several other sites, but we never gotten past e-mails or the first phone conversation. I've discovered that in addition to being a total mystery, most of these men lack social skills too. Now I solicit the help of my family members and friends to play matchmaker. At least I can pick their brain about the guy and I know everything is on the up and up because he was 'referred to me' - lol.

And seriously, you really need to get out of the house girlfriend. You are not going to meet your perfect man by sitting on your couch and watching television. Become a patron of establishments that your perfect man would frequent. Join a health club, take up golf, cheer on your favorite team at a sporting event, browse the local book store, grab a latte from your local coffee shop. Take a class at your local college or attend a networking event or a conference. Do happy hour at an upscale restaurant or bar. My point is, you've got to make yourself visible.

So you've met the man of your dreams, now let him hunt you, yes as in jungle, safari. It's a part of their DNA. I know about all of that independent woman stuff...and where has it gotten us? No damn where! So stop running behind men. If the man you're interested in doesn't pursue you, then he's not into you - period, the end! And no matter what you claim you can do, believe me, you will not change his mind. I don't care what you're skills are in the bedroom. And while were talking about giving up the cookies; if you guys do become an item and began to date, put him on a 3 month plan. Yes! Allow yourself 3 months to get to know him and to decide if he is even worthy of your good-good. How many people do you know who can fake it for that long? Believe me, you'll know what he's about after 90 days and if you haven't slept with him it's way easier to walk away with no regrets.

Dating doesn't have to be a natural disaster. It can be a wonderful experience that allows you to enjoy yourself and the world around you with a dynamic guy, but you've got to know yourself, know what you want, have some standards and make yourself visible. Class is dismissed.